Indecisive Future

I wrote this bit on September 19, 2009 before I left for Peace Corps:

The Peace Corps is probably the only thing I have consistently known I want to do long before it actually became a reality. Lots of people have been asking me what I want to do when I get back from the Mountain Kingdom of Lesotho. How do you know I am coming back? My cover: I want to come back and go to graduate school for environmental engineering (only if it's paid in full by the Environmental Protection Agency). People approve. I can move on.

In all honestly I have no idea what I want to do. Yes, engineering sounds great... but I have a passionate disinterest in formal learning. Being out of school, traveling to new places, working fancy nanny jobs while living at home has been fantastic. I have no desire to go back to school. And that, my friends will definitely become a major point of contention upon my return. People told me I had to go to college. I thought that was the end. Turns out, it's not. Now apparently grad school is in. The Peace Corps will hopefully guide me to the direction I need. Making up my mind now, knowing nothing is certain would probably be a disappointment. That being said I have never been one for super long term planning, I am definitely more into scheming.

All I see in my future is saving the world and happiness. That might be changing the way one friend lives, guiding the children of tomorrow to a new way of thinking, drastically cutting back on my waste, or in an ideal world, working on a major effort to make living sustainably work.

Here I am, today March 8, 2011 not sure why I never published this brief post. It's amazing after everything that happened in the past year and a half how much is still the same, seems I was wise beyond my years. Quite disappointing.

Staging

I only have a few minutes to update so pardon the inevitable bad grammar.

It was a really long day! After a three hour drive to Philadelphia, a little sight seeing (the Liberty Bell and the outside of Independence Hall), and a Philly Cheese Steak it was time to officially say goodbye to Mom and Pops. When they left I checked in (to the Peace Corps--took an hour!!!), met some volunteers, and officially moved in status from invitee to trainee. This was followed by four long hours of orientation. It was nice to finally meet some people who have been going through this incredibly lengthy and tedious process. I am anxious to see what friendships form! The night concluded with dinner and drinks on the town.

As I type, I am avoiding sleep because in two hours we have to be checked out of the hotel and on a bus to JFK; we depart at 10:40 AM tomorrow! Hooray--I am super excited! Everyone I have interacted with thus far has been nice, though, I am a little overwhelmed by the volunteer 'over-the-top' thought out mentality. To clue you in: several volunteers are saran wrapping their backpacks to avoid being robbed. Creative?

This quote was given to us during staging, "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, if I have lived through this challenge, I can take the next thing that comes along." (Eleanor Roosevelt) Appropriate?

Side note: I learned Chris Matthews is a returned Peace Corps Volunteer.

If you never ask, you'll never know!

I am a breathing violation of all things: dress code.  The Peace Corp informed me sometime ago that I would be required to wear a skirt or dress (mid calf to ankle length) everyday to work. Great, because I own so many of these!   Not to mention, avoiding the working world dress code is why I wanted to be a Park Ranger or establish a "career" in rural Africa!  I will see to it that that statement is a joke!  Despite Pops arguing that there has been numerous studies to confirm that people are more productive in professional dress, it's not for me.  And especially not for me in Africa.  I understand dressing conservatively and not offending the locals.  I am 100% on board with that.  

Ask anyone who knows me, they would tell you I am dressed up if I am not in t-shirt/long sleeve t-shirt format. I am most productive in my jeans/hoodie/chacos or running shorts/t-shirt/tennis shoes.  Comfort breeds productivity in me.  It allows to me study my plants hard, whiz in and out of meetings, get messy painting while hanging out with munchkins, and clean the house.  As long as I am not disrespectful, my traditional clothing will allow me to be the best secondary math teacher I can be. 

And we all know I like my opinion heard... we shall see who wins this war!    

A terrible, horrible, no good, very bad packer

I am going to go ahead and whine and complain and tell you packing was the worst part of this year long Peace Corp process. I have yet to determine why packing posed such a challenge. Was it the fact that I am a naturally light packer and usually dependent on over-packing friends (who won't be traveling) if I forget something? Not knowing how much (OF EVERYTHING) to actually take? Or was my materials-do-not-matter-mindset throwing me off? All are probably contributing factors. I thought I would include a few pictures to clue you in on the madness.   

We get to bring a 100 pounds (including carry ons), which I think is pretty generous. Someone, somewhere along the way highly encouraged bringing a backpacking backpack. Check, I own this (thanks to a friend). Purchase a L.L. Bean XL bag and along with the pack you are good (my little brain thought). Of course not! Each bag can only contain 50 pounds (only God knows why--probably stupid airlines!). Therefore it makes perfect sense that I have a XL bag with plenty of space to spare and only 82 total pounds packed... leaving 18 pounds left behind because the XL bag is maxed out at 50 pounds (and my considerably small backpacking backpack is full).

If nothing else, it was a start to my new patient lifestyle. Packing, unpacking, repacking. Repeat four times. I do not care if all Peace Corp experiences are different, surely someone could recommend a number of skirts to bring, how much toothpaste to pack, or tell me if a $100 solar charger is actually worth it. I am going to go out of my way to help the PC issue a more number friendly packing list. Making changes... it's what I do best.

After two full days I have come to the conclusion that less truly will be more in Lesotho.

One Week

After all this waiting it is hard to believe one week from today I will head to Philadelphia for Staging.  My itinerary for Staging includes checking in at 1 PM on November 10, 2009, orientation and more shots from 3-7 PM, sleeping until we leaving for John F. Kennedy Airport (New York, New York) at 2 AM, and departing JFK at 10:30 AM for a nonstop (!!!) flight to Johannesburg, South Africa arriving at 8:30 AM on November 12 (South African time)!  Details, details.

There are only a few other mini-updates from the last time I wrote.

I officially said goodbye to all my friends and distant family (plus C.D.).  There will be no more travel, just a week of rest and relaxation.  Saying goodbye was a lot harder than I imagined.  My friends are all incredible people.  Not seeing them for 27 months seems like torture.  I have faith in our friendships (and bets on who will visit)! Thank you guys and gals for everything. You mean the world to me!

I had my first press release. Semi-exciting?

Packing: I might have mentioned I get to bring an extra 50 pounds (total=100 pounds) because Lesotho is considered a cold weather country! That is good news, although the task still seems a little daunting.  In the words of the Peace Corp the mail in Lesotho is "fairly reliable," leaving loving parents to mail whatever gets left behind.  Obviously, the ideal case is to fit everything I need into a suitcase.  Along with my faith in my friendships, I have faith that my minimalist self(s?) ability to pack two years of life into a suitcase.  I have said it once, and I will say it again... things truly are a burden.     

This week I will be mailing out my blog address to those who might be interested, I will update Facebook to contain my address and other important information, and write letters to each of my dear friends... along with making an uncountable number of phone calls, one last trip the free clinic, and one last night of babysitting.  

That is it for updates!  Peace.

Blogging Blues

Can you really blog about what you want? No, not really. You always have to think about who might be reading that piece of writing the blogging world calls a post. I do not want to offend anyone on my blog. At the same time I want to be free to write about whatever comes to mind. I want to write about my opinions, the backwards place we call home, topics people think are taboo, and anything else that comes to mind. I wish I had all the answers to all the problems we have in this world. Then maybe I could take a problem/solution approach.  Instead I am left with another problem to which I am longing for a solution. Ehh.

On the other hand blogging has been a really good outlet. My friends are great outlets too but soon they will be even farther away.  Blogging also lets you get everything out without being interrupted. Plus, someday it might be fun to go back and read what was on my mind on October 25, 2009.  

I am not sure who reads this blog.  For all I know, no one does.  That might be better.  I hate this proofreading business.  I know, I know... I am failing miserably!  However, try to imagine if I did not attempt to proofread at all.  You would die if you knew how I spelled some words without the help of spell check.  I am just not comfortable in the writing department.  I probably never will be... so maybe I should get over this fear.  

Blogging is weird. It's like a journal, but it's not. I started this blog for the purpose of keeping everyone as up to date as possible in Africa. I got carried away and started immediately, arguing it was to make sure I knew how to publish a post or upload a picture.  I think those things are mastered (in the sense I can do them). How well? Not very.  The more I write, the more I worry.  I am extremely sarcastic.  Most of my ranting is sarcasm. I take the issues seriously, but not myself. I do not want to be taken the wrong way.  Tread lightly.  

Now I am left wondering if I will even keep this up in Africa. The negatives seem to outweigh the positives. I will probably continue to second guess half the posts I do publish. I am not forcing anyone to read this so I guess I should not worry. Post high school it's unlike me to truly be affected about others (minus the people I actually care about) perspectives of me. A very new and strange feeling... brought on by blogging of all things!  

Practicing Patience

On Wednesday I babysat for the "last" time in what I imagine will be quite some time. Mind you last is in quotes because I am nearly positive I will find some time to babysitting again before I actually leave. Children are fascinating hysterical little beings. I truly love babysitting. They have their own dictionaries and perspectives on life. I will miss all my kiddos and our one-on-one time dearly in Lesotho.

Most days I have all the patience in the world with children. When worlds like all, always, never are used there is typically an exception. That is definitely true for my patience. Some days I amaze myself with the abundance of patience I have with children and other days those little minds truly are a test of my patience. I have little patience with others (my age and older)... especially with the slow, impractical, selfish people (myself included). Unknowingly, children are usually all of the three. My patience is rooted from the understanding these messy creatures have only been on the earth five years or 28 months. They need to be taught, and loved, and have good examples of better ways to channel their frustration. As the babysitter I am the teacher and friend, the person they hug when they fall down, or someone who hands them pudding and tells them to finger paint.

It's the days I struggle with patience that burdens me with guilt. Not using the nicest tone, expecting too much, and getting easily annoyed when those little ears are in ignore mode. I already told you not to color on the wall five times today, please stop and use the paper I put out! What don't you understand? Let's work through this. I am not sure what the best strategy is for handling children on their off days (or my off days). There is such a fine line when disciplining others children. Plus, it is so much more fun to be the nice babysitter... letting children climb up slides when no one else is in line. However, when there are other children crowding the playground... I have to switch into supervisor mode, which is not nearly as fun. Oh and did I mention how confusing that probably is to a two year old child who is sometimes allowed to go up and down but other times only down. Yikes, I brought this on myself.

I am sure this is something all parents (and babysitters) struggle with. The guilty feeling of always saying 'no' or 'stop' when we are annoyed eats me alive. It seems especially frustrating to me because I want to be the perfect babysitter, and I am paid to do a good job. Loosing it over spilled milk (oh, wasted resources) never got anyone anywhere.

Gratitude and Guilt

Guilt has been weighing me down lately. The next three post are going to be about all my guilt... hopefully writing will lift things off my chest a tad!

One of my biggest sources of guilt lately comes from the amount of time and money my parents (and others) have spent helping me prepare for Lesotho. You might say, they are you parents ... it's their job. I hear you. Yet every time my parents hand their debit card to the cashier I get this sick feeling in my stomach. Why are they able to afford this? Why am I so lucky? Guilt, guilt, guilt. I am a college graduate although they are still co-owners of my bank account (required by the Peace Corp), I am covered on their health insurance until the day I leave, and they have let me inhabit their house for an extended stay. Instead of accepting a high paying job I am off on a high paying experience. It seems selfish.

Part of me thinks I should not feel guilty and accept the they are your parents excuse. I have definitely spent my fair share of money buying things I will probably be able to get for a fourth of the price in Lesotho and investing in items I definitely won't be able to purchase a sixteen hour plane ride away from home. So it's not like they have paid for everything or they are the only ones investing time, except this job/experience/trip is for me. I should be the soul provider to my own experience. It is not just my parents time I stole, past "employers" spent their free time proofreading essays, writing recommendations, and purchasing me an awesome pocket knife!

My parents pay for the boring stuff: 50 dollars in batteries, deodorant for two plus years, clean undergarments. I am more than thankful and appreciative. How can I ever show my gratitude? My mom keeps telling me I am going to miss three years of Christmas, two birthdays, and all the random gifts in between. She definitely knows how I feel about Christmas and birthday so there should be no obligation to pre-purchase gifts for these occasions especially since I do not think I am going to be able to send gifts home. Oh and she refuses to think about the chunk of money shipping it will cost to ship things I request over to Lesotho.

I have always been extremely cheap with my own money. Other cheap people I have encountered usually have no problem spending someone elses money. Not me. If my parents give me money for food and I have five dollars left over I feel obligated to give it back. All of my friends and my own two brothers consider that profit. I have definitely kept my fair share of five dollars... except instead of spending them I usually donate them. Last year my roommate and I teamed up around Christmas time to support a local charity. This year I have not made my call, I am thinking about the LC Free Clinic. The monetary donation I make usually consists of whatever I collect from my parents times two, I match whatever I collect. It would be a tad selfish to make a donation in my name with all my parents money. I am not perfect, some of that money definitely goes straight in my pocket for my next Moe's outing.

In my cheapness for all I love trying to save for others too (especially my mom)! I find pleasure teaching her when it is good to stock up and when it is bad. Cutting coupons, helping maximize. She is naturally a pretty good spender and actually a decent coupon user, but she is all about connivence. That being said she probably gets super annoyed when I make her return $3.24 worth of notebooks to Target or make her return batteries and then jump over to Costco because I found a better deal. I feel like I am enforcing my ways upon her. Plus, she paid for the batteries with her own money. I am guessing she does not care about getting the extra four batteries at Costco for the same price.

I did not really touch on the time. Rest assured they have spent way over their fair share of time planning, banking, shopping, and listening. Not too mention my sweet mom is going to drive me to Philadelphia, PA so I can avoid flying!

Not everyone wants to live like me, I can accept that. I just can't help it. I am guilty. Mom and Pops, thanks and I am sorry!

Observations on Life

Lately I have been focused on the details in life. That's very weird for me. It originally started as a way to pick up on things I might want to add to my already three page packing list, notice the things I might miss while away and attempt to take advantage of them while I still have five weeks to wait. Blah, blah. The point is, I have come to a conclusion that has nothing to do with my future Peace Corp experience. The verdict is: the people we surround ourselves with tend to adversely affect our attitudes. Sure, you have all known that for quite sometime... but I learn by doing. Naturally this was something I had to witness for myself.

At home I noticed I rarely have bad days. I am constantly surrounded by children or out volunteering or bonding with the family. Children are some of the happiest people on the planet. I mean who would not love to have a constant playmate (me, the babysitter) and a playground with lots of toys. They are unware of anything going on in the world around them. Life is easy! Note to self: find a job that works with children or have children of your own someday. Volunteering is great because it gets me out, I meet crazy funny people, and I feel needed. Oh to be needed! The people I volunteer with are genuine and passionate people, definitely positive people to be around. As for the ones we serve, they are more than gracious. It's a mystery to me how they can remain so happy (at least on the surface) when they are dealing with so much! Note to self: do something that constantly introduces you to new things and people, help out those less fortunate than you. As for my family, they are about as laid back as you can get. Pops has a job, mom has perfected the 'hold down the fort' roll, C.D. lives the dream poor college student life, and C.A. has a million and two friends. Note to self: even though your family is not all about eating healthy and saving the world and living cheap (i.e. the exact same as me), be grateful you have a loving family.

This postcollege/predeparture life is vastly different from what I was used to over the past four years. In college the bad days outweighed the good. Do not get me wrong, I loved college life. I made lots of friends, the football weekends and basketball games were a blast, and the opportunities to make an impact were unlimited. I truly prefected the social (while still maintaining a purpose to life) lifestyle. The bad days were associated with prefect weather that I never took advantage of because I locked myself in a dungeon to study sort of days. Yes, the first few weeks of each semester were great but after that there is so much work. Study, study, study... there are weeks where I literally studied, worked, and went to meetings. That was never much fun! Maybe it was only my major? Doubtful! I am definitely not someone who had it all. When I chose social events my grades slipped and when I chose academics my mood slipped.

And then just when you think you have taken every test there is to take and mastered every task there is to master... your friend has a bad day (you can relate). Then you feel sorry for yourselves (probably more than necessary) and you just can't wait for the next best thing. My friends were not Debbie Downers by any means. It is the overall negative college atmosphere. We all chose (some more than others) to go to college yet none of us want to do the work for the degree. Not surprising, after all we live in lazy America. In Lesotho, my reading says youth quit when they do not pass to the next grade level or when they find other ways to make themselves useful. A big part of me thinks that is more efficient. Before you start barking, I know education is the key to success and our future relies on education. I am very aware! I just think if we can't handle the brunt of the work then we do not deserve to be there, and if we just keep passing children to the next grade level the education will be worthless.

Here is where I realize I can actually tie this into my 'next best thing.' The people I chose to bond with in Lesotho are going to have an impact on my mood and the way I chose to live. If all the volunteers are struggling it will probably not be a good idea to sit around with them and wallow. That did not work in college and it probably is not going to work a million miles away from friends and family. Yes, being their for your fellow volunteers (or peers--in any part of life is good) and letting them know you are sorry is important, but if you are doing fine... keep on keeping on. I was chosen along with 26 others to go to Lesotho and make a difference. Do I want them to think all Americans are weak and constantly depressed? Absolutely not. I want them to know that the American materials (processed overseas and sold in America kind of materials) in life make us depressed and things burden us. Okay, maybe that is only me, but you will not be traveling so I am representing America. Evil laugh.

I think my point got more blurry as I wrote. I am not sure if there even was a point. Sometimes there isn't a point to an observation, or a series of observations. Observing onward.

Pre-departure Updates

It's 5 weeks away!  I can't believe it!  I am getting so excited!  I thought I was excited 5 months ago, I had no idea.

Packing: I started.  

Trips:  I have been traveling a ton these past five months.  Its been so good to see family I have not seen in awhile, spend time with good friends, travel to places I have not been in awhile, and visit places I have never ventured too before.  In all of this the trip I have been most excited about is my final combination trip to Georgia and South Carolina!  Time in Georgia means hanging with C.D. and the rest of his gang.  It means staying up late, laughing, analyzing sports, and hiking.  Then I will be on to South Carolina to spend a week pretending I never actually graduated with the guys and gals I spent the last four years with.  I have no doubt this trip will be really fun!  15 days and counting...

Money:  This has truly been the most frustrating part of preparing for departure.  What to do with the money I have?  Bank of America wants to charge me $12 a month for maintaining an account (that must at all times have $750 in it) with them.  Are you kidding me?  Did you hear me when I said 27 months?  Do the math, that is $324 (meaning the account would need $1074 when I left)!  No compromising there.  Obviously I am leaving Bank of America (ASAP!!!).  Oh joy, add finding another bank to the list of money-things-to-do!  Invest it?  How-- the stock market, certificates of deposit, bonds?  Education is worthless for important major real life decisions!  How much do I take?  I am hoping my final packet from the Peace Corp will help with some of this... doubtful.  Then there is my credit card which conveniently expires while I am gone!  If the mail carriers ransack candy... who knows what would happen to a credit card sailing through the mail?  Then I have to fill out income tax forms, get life and property insurance, write a will, and find a reputable lawyer to be my Power of Attorney.  And K.A.R. you thought I hated money before... be glad you are living in New Zealand right now!  

Gifts:  I never had any confidence when it comes to gift giving so the task of having to shop for host mothers and fathers and random children has been daunting.  Mothers and fathers is plural because the way I understand it is we have two sets--one during training and one during our two years of service.  I only like giving practical gifts (and I rarely succeed at that) but I have no idea what these people live like.  Okay, that is an exaggeration... I have done my research (sort of), but my picture of Lesotho life is still a little blurry.  No worries readers, soon you will have a very clear picture of what life is life.  I see lots of ranting on how can this be?  Do you know how easy we have it in America?  Back to gift giving, I have decided I am going to be bring can openers, vegetable peelers, and good knives to my host mothers.  For the children I have chosen candy (they apparently love candy in Lesotho) and these adorably amazing globe pencil sharpeners.  As for my host pops... I am stuck!  I have no ideas.  Any and all suggestions are welcome! 

Going away:  After telling you how much I hate materialistic holidays like Christmas and birthdays (oh just wait, my vendetta against halloween post is a mere 25 days away!) you are probably not surprised to learn that Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.  Well maybe you are a tad surprised after learning how much I despise the kitchen.  Nonsense, on Thanksgiving I do no cooking.  I wear sweats (unless g'ma and g'pa are in town), bond with the family and friends, indulge in way too much food, and watch the Detroit Lions loose.  That was a lot of rambling to tell you my parents are preparing a real Thanksgiving dinner for my going away party.  Pops is refusing to make tofurky but the show will go on and the gesture is still quite sweet.   

Staging:  My staging packet should be here in the next two weeks.  Staging is a one day/one night event that takes place in America right before we depart.  Basically, it learn more about the Peace Corp, get jabbed in the arm with a few more vaccines, and sign your life away some more.  A cross your t's, dot your i's sort of event.  Oh and we finally get to met the 26 others we will be traveling with(!!!).  I am hoping for a Washington DC!  That way if I forget anything or talk to another volunteer who brought something I "need" my wonderful mother could run out and get it for me.  Plus, I know the city really well so getting there, arranging rides from the headquarters to my hotel, and then to the airport would be no big deal.  Unfortunately, I did some cheating and it looks like I am going to be in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania.  Like everything in life there are positives to Philly: it is still relatively close, it's the setting of my favorite tv show (God knows I will need a drink at Paddy's Pub the night before I leave), and it's another state to cross off my list.

I think those are all the updates.  It was a lot or I am super wordy.  I favor the later.  

Recharging my batteries

In the past three and a half months I have visited eleven states and seen countless family members and friends. Instead of relaxing I have been hiking, volunteering, biking, driving, kayaking, babysitting, swimming, flying, and running. All of this has finally caught up with me. I am spent. Exactly two months from today I will board that dreaded plane and make my way to the lands of Lesotho. The nerves still have not kicked in and I am not really sure if they ever will. I am not really sure what to be nervous about. Ideas? Life is life no matter where you live it.

Tonight I finally looked at all the financial stuff. It does not seem nearly as daunting as I once thought. I prepared my press release statement and then realized there was not any paper I really felt tied too... so that seems like a waste. I also made a real list of everything I want to bring, and it is definitely more than fifty pounds. I guess I will learn to cut down when it comes closer to time.

I will just keep acting patient and dreaming of far off lands. Oh and learning to use my new complicated macbook.

Eased Nerves

This past weekend I had the opportunity to talk to a returned Peace Corps volunteer (RPCV). She answered all the questions I simply can't find in the readings or online.  It was so nice to hear about her experience in South Africa, watch a video of her two years, and simply ask an unlimited amount of questions!  By no means did she make the two years sound like a breeze, but she did make the experience seem a little more flexible than I have been imagining.  She kept reminding me that this is two years of my real life, so make sure to live it.  I have no doubt I will use the time wisely!  

I compiled a list of a few of the things she told me.  These were things she actually experienced (or wished she had known pre-departure).  I could get to Lesotho and have a totally different experience (she alerted me of this).  She was in a different country, then again a country that completely surrounds my own:

• Bring clothes I would actually want to wear (while being respectfully conservative).  
• Be prepared for hot and cold.  They are both brutal.
• Bring make-up and heels.  Ha!  
• 3 years ago (when she was in South Africa) all volunteers had cell phones that called the US (at extremely high rates!).  
• There will be accessible internet.  Hers was a brief 45 minute walk away the first year, and IN her village the second year!  
• Beg for encouragement from family and friends.  Knowing you guys and all the support you have already shown, I doubt this would ever be a problem (THANKS!!!).  She warned me I will come home if my American counterparts do not discourage it.  
• I apparently will have very few visitors (among all the promises) and I need to be prepared for that.  I willing to try and beat the odds on this one!
  
• I can probably remain vegetarian but will have to answer lots of questions and people will think I am insane.  (People think that here!)
• You are giving up a lot (back home) by committing 27 months of your life to living and serving overseas!  On the contrary, the experience can more than make up for it and naturally it will if you let it.  Also, you will not realized what you gave up until you get back.  I can already tell she is right on about this because a part of me still thinks I am not giving up anything by leaving (and I will only gain from this experience).  Oh how I wish my friends and family were Sims I could "pause" while away.  
• Her final piece of advise was to travel lots! 

All this advice and what am I packing, you ask?  50lbs of patience! 

"Any idealist who tries to join the Peace Corps must realize she is not going to change the world overnight" (Sargent Shriver)

I'm REALLY excited!

I keep telling everyone I am so excited and ready for my upcoming trip to Africa. Truth be told I am no where near ready. I haven't bought a thing. I haven't packed a thing. I haven't visited each and every member of my family. The list goes on and on. I am super eager for the exploration to begin. Never in my life have I been so trilled to jump into the unknown, so when I say ready I mean ready to get out of America, ready to explore the southern part of Africa!

I have always been pretty, okay very, spontaneous. So when I discovered the Peace Corps early in college, I was "prepared" to drop out and leave right then. Heavily encouraged by the Peace Corps, friends, and family I decided finishing the next three and a half years of college to obtain a fancy piece of paper might be slightly beneficial later in life. So I did, I managed to finish college. All this to say I feel I have been extremely patient throughout this entire process. If I would have had my way I would be back from this adventure already.

Michigan

My dads entire family lives in Michigan so when we ventured up there for a long weekend in June there were lots of questions, lots of "goodbyes." He has been pretty much the only one to venture out besides second cousin J who lives in one of my top ten favorite cities (Durham, NC). Props to pops and her! Michigan is quirky to me, the people who live there LOVE it and get sucked in f-o-r-e-v-e-r. Do not get me wrong, I think it is a great state with lots to offer, that is, if you are not looking for a job. We weren't there long but we made use of the time we had!
I got to spend quality time with g'ma and g'pa, have a graduation/going away party in my honor, and meet the new baby cousin. We helped the old folks set up a "flat face" tv. Oh materials! C.D. cleaned (those two words have probably never been used back-to-back), trimmed trees, pulled weeds, and collected treasures from the basement.  

I am really blessed to have two 80+ year old grandparents and I love them dearly, but I wish they knew how much it freaks me out when they tell me they are going to be "gone" when I come back. They are so lucky to be alive and for the most part healthy. I live day-to-day (I wish they, especially g'ma, would do the same). In my ideal world everyday would be a day worth living and remembering... but I imagine the older you get the harder it is. You set goals like seeing your grandchildren graduate, watching them walk down the isle, or enjoying your great-grandchildren. So I sort of understand their train of thought but not really. It still amazes me they live on their own (although we would all be relieved if they would even as much as considered assisted living)! We all have a lot to be thankful for, and this is one blessing I count twice.

I will miss them, along with the rest of the MI gang, dearly. I promise to write as much as possible, even if the mail is slow go. The generosity they have shown me throughout my entire life has not gone unnoticed. The love they have given me is greatly appreciated! Their love for each other and the Lord is admirable! Be careful while I am gone, stay healthy, and remain confident in my decision! This is not good-bye!

"Goodbyes are not forever. Goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean I'll miss you until we meet again!" (Author Unknown)

C.D.

Today C.D. heads back to Athens to begin his junior year of college. It is settling in that I have graduated and he is halfway there. That does not mean I will forget the days of building tree forts and finding tadpoles at the creek, but it does mean we are growing up. Sigh, real life! For selfish reasons I am glad he was not able to find a job this summer and was forced to come live at home! This meant more time bonding, vacationing, and hiking. While I have three months left, it is only three days in the presence of C.D.

We are extremely close and have been our entire lives. Our personalities, however, are opposites in almost every way. I am a saver, he is a spender. I am clean and organized, he is a mess and lives in utter chaos. I am outgoing, he is reserved. I am involved and passionate, he is content relaxing and catching the little things life has to offer. I choose no meat, he chooses Angus Third-Pounders at McDonalds. The list goes on...

For the past 20 years of my life the only thing we have been separated by is 20 months, but soon we will also be separated by distance. It is probably going to be one of the hardest, if not the hardest thing about leaving. We keep in touch with random texts, visits to each others college of choice, and phone calls. When I leave he promises to write me letters... and I can't wait to get them. They will be funny, I'm sure. And if for no other reason just to update me on our most common interest, sports!

I really admire him. He has his own sense of style, and I think he really knows who he is or who he is becoming. I wish I could remain as confident and calm as he does in his decisions and where life is taking him. He really rolls with the punches of life.

C.D. you always offer a new perspective on life, one my type A personality would have missed. Thanks for being there, thanks for your support, thanks for your friendship! I will miss your sense of humor, afternoons hiking, your music recommendations, and much much more. I am sorry I am going to miss the next two years but I will be there is spirit and to support your decisions each step of the way (even if it is a month after the fact).

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you imagined" (Roosevelt)

Purging

I used to be a major pack-rat, saving everything from movie ticket stubs, to trophies, to wrappers of candy bars when they changed label designs. After moving four times in six years (and the encouragement of my friend J.L.W.) I have become a purger. I really enjoy living the simple life and I find I do not miss the clutter I throw away or donate. Right now, I am stumped. There are three things I cannot bring myself to get rid of; my five year collection of Runners World magazine (which I am still subscribed too), my old t-shirts, and my books. It is all really silly. For one, I cannot take any of these things with me to Africa, not to mention I simply do not use these things I cling to. I do occasionally occur refer back to Runners World for some advice but my running career has been slow go lately. The t-shirts, yes everyone can use a t-shirt... but who needs 90 t-shirts? No one! K.N.K. once told me she found it hard to believe I had so many t-shirts because I wore the same shirts over and over. It's true, I am attached to the same 10 t-shirts! So why, why I ask can't I get rid of the other 80? On the up side I am proud to say I did not pick up any extra shirts in Maine or New Hampshire which is usually a travel requirement! Finally, I think most can agree on the books, once I read them I NEVER pick them up again. Not a reader by nature I think my problem here is my pride. Seeing a book on my bookshelf means I have read it, and that in and of itself is an accomplishment!

My second problem is my loving mother who by nature is a major pack rat! She has saved everything, and I am not kidding when I say everything from our childhood. Some examples include; report cards from my kindergarten years (and everyone after), every certificate I ever received, name-tags, McDonalds toys, art work. You get the picture. Knowing this, you can imagine her delight when she saw me trying to throw away all my art work this morning! I am not going to lie and tell you C.D. and I did not have a good time going through it, but I think that is the first time EVER in my life I have opened that box... besides to add art work to the collection. I just have this big feeling (after watching my dad receive his old treasures from his parents) when I get back and get my own place they are going to start sending me boxes of stuffed animals or my old school work and frankly, I do not want it. My solution: I wrote several loving notes to my parents and placed them in all these Rubbermaids telling them that I have been threw them and I am 100% okay with them trashing or donating each and every single piece of junk!

"the toughest job you will ever love"

Today, July 20th, I officially accepted my Peace Corp assignment in Lesotho teaching secondary math.  Yippee!  I also got my passport pictures taken and learned I have to write an aspiration statement and an official PC resume.  I also complied a list of things that need to happen before November along with things I need to purchase.

This all made me realize how precious my last few months in the USA are.  I want to spend time with my brothers, comfort my parents and make them confident in my decision, visit relatives, and enjoy conversations with friends on the phone who are living 8 hours away (but soon will be much farther).  I want to stop working so much and really spend time reflecting and relaxing.  Gandhi was once quoted saying, "there is more to life than increasing its speed."  This is so true!  I am really trying to work on slowing down and taking time for others.  It is in the chaos of life I seem to miss the most important things.  I am super excited and ready for Africa, but I want to enjoy the time I have here before I leave.   

Salkehatchie

This past week I returned to Salkehatchie after taking the past two summers "off." This year was very unique from years past, mostly because of my new adult status! This camp holds a special place in my heart so I am glad I was able to return. Salkehatchie is a summer service camp that takes place in 43 different sites across South Carolina where high school and college age youth and adult community leaders help persons of different cultures by upgrading their housing. The camp provides all participants with opportunities for personal growth, new freindships, and service.  

Year after year Salkehatchie reminds me how blessed I am.  My house does not leak, I have floors that are level, the rooms in my house are square.  I have way more than I need.  These people have next to nothing but are some of the happiest people I know.  They have the greatest faith in the world.  How can that be?  In a world where we are satisfied by material possessions, the home owners remain enthused and hopeful about life.  I wish I could live like that all the time!   

I worked on the home of Jessie McDaniel.  She was a loving lady who worked full time with stroke patients.   She took her one week off work to help us improve her house.  She picked up shingles, swept sawdust, held boards, and even cooked us a delicious afternoon snack.  Ms. McDaniel was truly appreciative of the work we did.  In previous years disabilities or age have prevented me from forming a relationship with my home owner.  This year I got to witness Ms. McDaniels heart of gold!   I can only hope she touched the youth as much as she touched me.

This year was different, really different. I could not help but think about my upcoming journey to Africa! Salkehatchie is a big part of why I am choosing to leave the comfort of America behind. It is so important to me to go overseas and work at the grassroots level. Hopefully, I will gain a new perspective on life, learn about another culture, and become fluent in a second language. I want to come back and share stories of the Lesotho lifestyle because I bet the Salkehatchie homes are the million dollars mansions overseas and that does not seem fair. We all need to be a little more aware. Too often we live out of our comfort zone and it takes an economic crisis to put us in our place. I wish it did not have to be like that.  

Programs like Salkehatchie make poverty seem real. Unfortunately most of the year I turn away from things that make me hurt and forget about people who struggle daily to keep their loved ones warm/cool, dry, and safe, but I am challenging myself to think daily about these people and give back more. Besides bringing the Lesotho culture home, I want to take the American culture with me.  I am going to tell stories of the people attending Salkehatchie! Why I think Americans and typically selfish, there are a portion of people who choose to give back and I want them to be represented.     

Longing for Lesotho

On Thursday, July 9th my Peace Corp invitation kit arrived in the mail!  I am going to Lesotho, a small country completely landlocked in South Africa.  My departure date is November 11, 2009. Those of you who have constantly supported and encouraged me (thank you!) throughout this lengthy process can imagine my abundant joy to now know where I am going and when I am leaving.  For those of you who do not know I started filling out the application in October, was interviewed in January, completed medical & dental records in February and March, tutored calculus February-May, and started volunteering at the Free Clinic and NOVAM in June (and will continue until the end of October).  I was ready to quit in April, but I am so glad I persevered.  (I hope) This is going to be a worthwhile experience!  I am ready to roll, there is no time like the present.

Disclaimer:  I do not know how many of you will read this blog, but for those of you who chose to follow me I want to warn you.  The main focus of this blog will not be grammar or to inspire you because that would be a waste of my time.   The purposes of this blog are to keep you updated on my life while I am away, allow me to have a release, and serve as a remembrance of my two plus years overseas!  This blog is going to be a documentation of my adventure, my real experiences, and my opinions.  I want to remember the highs and lows of living in Lesotho.