Part of managing symptoms of trauma deals with rebooting the brain by altering the sensory input in any of the five senses. This technique is meant to prevent flashbacks and intrusive memories.
The sight of you in your 'running tights' when stretches beyond a mile were straining. Images of the party pants. Your standard winter look: the red jacket and beanie. Or Black Label and a Snooker stick.
The taste of the delicious food cooked. Your homemade barbecue sauce poured over oven cooked Italian bread as I rebelled against meat. Oh.My.Word. I can't believe I am never going to experience that perfect combination of sweet and spicy goodness again.
The touch of hot water pouring out of your hand crafted shower.
The stench of those horrendous cigarettes you insisted on smoking or scents of yet another animal slaughtered. Foul. The smell of wood burning in your fire pit. The aroma of American candles burning.
You voice is playing on repeat in my head as you jam along with the lyrics to a few of my favorite songs. The sounds of your laughter as you watch me lift rocks for exercise. I hear your words of guidance as you school me in Snooker.
It's one of those tough days though, the kind where staying grounded in the present is too difficult. I can't seem to reroute any of these trauma senses to something in my current experience.
This is a low point where life without you seems unbearable. Everything is numb as time floats on by.
Sammy,
ReplyDeleteWishing you hope and peace during your sad days.
xo Meredith