Idealistic to Realistic

At one point my need for purposeful friendships and community was huge. My passion and devotion to the environment was almost as much. To temporarily wrap up my series on 'where I am at today' I thought I would hit one last note--my cynicism. Where to begin.

Throughout a large portion of my being, my affinity for Earth and my belief our planet could be saved defined me; I poured my heart and soul into protecting the environment. I changed my diet. I properly disposed of waste... and did not let food become waste. I carried one of my four Nalgenes everywhere I went. I never ever used plastic bags. I used alternative modes of transportation for the to and from school commute and carpooled--automobiles, buses, planes, and trains--whenever possible. I learned first hand the importance of water conservation while living in Africa. I quit washing my hair to avoid adding toxic chemicals to our earth. I read non-fiction earthy literature (on my Kindle) and participated in 'Students for Environmental Awareness' throughout college for fun. You get the point. (For the record, this establish lifestyle continues, very much intact.)

Raised in a half-hearted environmental house where the basics--recycling, leftover eating, composting, two-sided printing, growing vegetables--are covered, college brought first-hand exposure to the ignorance in America. I had the energy and desire to tackle the insurmountable war ahead. I started by educating my roommates on the basics of recycling. If you want to tell me that wasn't a big deal... I'll fight you. Somewhere along the way, encountering a debacle with the university over campus recycling, particularly at football games.

I wanted the earth I cherish to more than last... I hoped my generation could make it flourish. Each new hurdle became a conversation... another battle to overcome. I was an idealist--one person can make a difference. My intensity increased, just knowing together we could solve this mighty problem, reverse the done damages.

Then, through my experiences, I became overwhelmed with the need and injustices in the world...

and the word 'population' kept coming to mind. Population grows until a certain point when it uses up all the resources, and then it dies off. This is the understanding I was left with after pursuing a degree in the 'science of life and living matter' at dear ol' Clemson anyway. The only hope for this planet, is us finding another planet. And, of course, we cut the NASA program.

I am cynical--our planet it doomed; I truly believe this.

The environmental fight is not over, this is the beginning, and I'm altering my mission. In a gigantic universe I am only a spec; instead of paralyzing myself with angst, I will keep my focus self-centered. Though my environmental flaws are many, I do the best I can within my knowledge base, means, and skills. I am constantly researching ideas for simplifying and living a more sustainable life... and this alone will be enough (for me). I will forgo chastising people for their 'ignorance is bliss' behavior from here on out. 

Defending our planet is a tireless job. There is no way to get used to the it, the longer and harder and more effort exerted, the more it eats away at me. I can live a meaningful life, valuing the people and planet I care about, without playing an all-consuming role.

We are entitled to one life... and it's up to my internal editors to decide what to do with it. My time is precious--I want to spend it with intent. And if intent is working that job where I get to leave my positive mark on our planet in an office or field of equally passionate people, I would be happy. But it might not--it might far less meaningful, but necessary, say answering phone calls and filing papers or building block towers with children. A job is not a life, it's part of one.