Reliance

For my upcoming travel plans I had to enlist the help of my brother--big time. My brother and I are tight. I don't think he minds lending a hand now and then, however, he lives a very simple life and I have an awful tendency to irrationally complicate issues.

Asking him if he would be willing to drive my car home and fly back to his closest airport spiraled into multiple tasks requiring his assistance.

He had to deposit me in Clemson, on my watch, in order for me to make my appointment, an hour earlier than he intended on leaving his home. I would be without a car once he took off, three days before my departure date. This required him to pick up my bridesmaid dress at the bridal shop an hour due north of Clemson. The next phase of this mighty favor calls for him to enlist a friend to pick him up in Atlanta and transport him to his home, a total three hour inconvenience for his driver.

He never once complained beyond a sarcastic sigh. I still feel an immense amount of guilt in asking him to do all this for ME. It made more economical and environmental sense for ME to scheme this way. I am the sole benefiter.

Stepping back in situations where it is not appropriate for me to be the driver is difficult for me. I feel very uncomfortable relying on others to complete my chores or listening to the advice of others when their ideas span my knowledge base. I have trouble accepting help when offered because it often comes at the expense of others time and energy. The mere idea of inconveniencing someone and being burdensome makes me uneasy. I imagine this reigns true for most. The words 'thank you' never seem powerful enough to express my grace.

The people in my story are trustworthy and dependable people--they have not instilled in me this fear of indebtedness to them for anything, ever. It's a personal problem. For the sake of my own sanity, I need to agree to offered assistance with ease and be honest with myself in situations where I require help, learning to ask for aid openly when necessary.