Musical Therapy

My taste in music spans the board. I am open to increasing my musical palate with suggestions from others. Thus far I have been drastically influenced by both younger brothers steering.

Once completely Beatles obsessed, replaced by my undying love for moe. and Tea Leaf Green. Then there is support for my girls: Janis Joplin, Kelly Clarkson, and Lady Gaga. Phases in college included Bishop Allen, Ben Folds, Dave Barnes, and The Red Hot Chili Peppers. Next to above mentioned interests these remaining bands all rank highly in my pleasurable listening list: Avett Brothers, Iron & Wine, Phoenix, The Shins, and Sister Hazel.

Then there are the particular songs by various artist that resonate with me and my personality. Songs like "Freckles" by Natasha Bedingfield, "All My friends Are Insects" by Weezer, "Sooner or Later" by Michael Tolchers, and "New Shoes" Paolo Nutini. These can be turned on at any time for a good sing-a-long session.

My brothers live and die for concert entertainment, and while I am all about a good concert too, I am not normally a [concert] seeker. I don't follow my favorite bands to the best local venues. When I do get a chance to go--I embrace the opportunity, it is not something that comes around every day.

The are some bands (or people) I would enjoy seeing live, namely Of Montreal. Be that as it may, last night Girl Talk was on the menu. Though the show was short and the opening act was weak, the overall "performance" was exhilarating. There was energy and lots of it to accompany the dancing, jumping, and singing. Whether the student, professor, or nanny, after a long semester that has consisted of mostly counting down maybe a little mashup was exactly the rejuvenating boost we all needed.

And possibly better than the show itself... was joining a crowd of women 10 years (plus) my superior who had moves!

Trouble Rebooting

Part of managing symptoms of trauma deals with rebooting the brain by altering the sensory input in any of the five senses. This technique is meant to prevent flashbacks and intrusive memories.

The sight of you in your 'running tights' when stretches beyond a mile were straining. Images of the party pants. Your standard winter look: the red jacket and beanie. Or Black Label and a Snooker stick.

The taste of the delicious food cooked. Your homemade barbecue sauce poured over oven cooked Italian bread as I rebelled against meat. Oh.My.Word. I can't believe I am never going to experience that perfect combination of sweet and spicy goodness again.

The touch of hot water pouring out of your hand crafted shower.

The stench of those horrendous cigarettes you insisted on smoking or scents of yet another animal slaughtered. Foul. The smell of wood burning in your fire pit. The aroma of American candles burning.

You voice is playing on repeat in my head as you jam along with the lyrics to a few of my favorite songs. The sounds of your laughter as you watch me lift rocks for exercise. I hear your words of guidance as you school me in Snooker.

It's one of those tough days though, the kind where staying grounded in the present is too difficult. I can't seem to reroute any of these trauma senses to something in my current experience.

This is a low point where life without you seems unbearable. Everything is numb as time floats on by.

Hierarchy of Love (College)

Clemson University. My notorious negative attitude towards this institution will most likely never change. That being said, I will not deny after four years here and a grand effort to ward off the orange (and purple) I was pulled in. I am no where close to the fan I should be. I would rather not watch them lose heartbreaker after heartbreaker. I did, however, attend all but two home football games during my stay, plus an additional minimum of one away game a season. My spirit soared when it came to Clemson basketball--I was 'all-in' particularly during my junior year when I refused to miss a single home game. I am still anticipating the day someone at this university wakes up and realizes basketball is where it is at in the Athletic Coast Conference (ACC), especially considering Clemson is not winning multiple ACC football championships in this pathetic division. You could also find me in attendance at several soccer matches, even more baseball games, and some track meets too. What my second high school lacked in school spirit, Clemson made up for it a tenfold. Solid Orange: It's About Pride (and winning)... but mainly pride!

The University of Georgia. Soon-to-be the alma matter of my younger brother. What is not too love about Athens--there is music, dining options, bars with tradition and character, entertainment for students, a daily newspaper, a gymnastics team(!!!), bike races, and more. Without UGA as an escape from tiny tiger town my last two years of college I might have lost my mind. As far as the hierarchy of love goes, Georgia frankly wins a lot more than Clemson, in all sports. It was easy to jump on this bandwagon. The football is tough--every game is watch worthy. As for basketball... I'm a fan of upsets and pleasant surprises, recall the 2008 Southeastern Conference Tournament? Note: The Dream Dawgs.

Kansas University. I was born and bred in this great and highly underrated state. Lets talk about real basketball and phenomenal coaches (both on and off the court). If I have not mentioned Kansas within five minutes of meeting you--something is off. Every child I babysit for knows the lyrics to "I'm a little Jayhawk" and is constantly looking for this fictional bird sitting amongst the tree branches on any given morning. This helps to prevent any child in my path from forming uneducated biases against Kansas (the state, in general). The trend is unveiling itself--I will pull for most any school I feel a connection to. My fanship for Kansas is covered with the numerous people in my circle holding diplomas or currently in attendance there today.

University of Michigan. The brainwashing began at birth as this is the alma matter of my father. Our basement is littered with Michigan paraphernalia! The games were screened on our television as pops took his post-golf Saturday afternoon nap and friendly rivalries formed with neighbors. Furthermore this university is a huge supporter and fan of Peace Corps, and indeed the location where it all began. Perhaps foreshadowing a potential grad school candidate?

Michigan State University. While growing up U of M football dominated all fall, with the turn of the weather the passion was channeled at State basketball. I have been reminded on numerous occasions that my mom attended school with Magic Johnson and has met Tim Izzo's mother. Even in disappointing years (ahem, 2011) the dedication to her team remains at an all time high. An overwhelming visit to the campus in my youth never put MSU on my student radar, that doesn't mean I can't or won't pull for them athletically! And realistically speaking, how can you not like Sparty?

So there is technically no hierarchy of love, it's situational.

An American Safari

Today it was confirmed--I do not have an opinion on zoos. This, I realize, is shocking.

I reconfirmed the most exciting aspect of the Greenville (South Carolina) Zoo is playground outside. Lame.

Next Step

For nearly four months I have inhabited a space that is not my own. Numerous reminders have constantly encouraged me to make myself at home. I have been included in family dinners and outings. The generosity expressed is indescribable. I couldn't possibly do justice to the R.L. family for taking me in--so so very appreciative.

My parents were more than willing to welcome me at home. I chose to come down South where I am closer to friends and my brother, with the added bonus of a short-term opportunity for work.

At a time when my friends are developing routines, establishing themselves in new cities, have plans beyond tomorrow I find myself [stuck] in between. I have had active weeks scattered between bouts of illness. There have been blissful weekends in the company of friends and plenty of solo time in nature. Other weeks I have creatively entertained little ones to the point I can't conceive getting out of bed on the weekends. There have clearly been ups-and-downs throughout the time here (that's life), most concerning is I do not feel as though I am 'playing my part' and instead forging ahead. I am moving with speed and lacking purpose.

May 6th is my last day of work with the L family, that's approximately 4380 minutes of employment left. I don't know what tomorrow holds and frankly it feels freeing. Perhaps I will spend the entire summer traveling? Studying for the GRE? Maybe a 'pay-the-bills' job while living on a friends couch? Laying out at the pool with my mom and playing with the new family puppy? Full time dedication to filling out applications for an actual career job?

Limitless options make it quite difficult to develop a definitive plan, and at 23 I already learned the danger of sticking too close to a plan. Instead of rushing into anything, I'm experimenting with where I am. The entire path need not be clear as the best plan is often no plan.

"A dangerous thing happens when we follow a trail: we stop paying attention to the environment. Since the trail is so easy to follow, we allow our minds to wander and neglect to observe where we are." (Peter Bregman)

The Devil (Belated Earth Day)

My own mother is a product of Midland, Michigan--home to The Dow Chemical Company. For those of you unfamiliar with Dow and their products, think Styrofoam(!!!). One.Mighty.Environmental.Nightmare.
Cups, coolers, docks, packaging and home insulation--a few of Styrofoams versatile uses. Styrofoam is the fifth largest creator of hazardous waste, releases endless chemical byproducts upon combustion, and produces ridiculous amounts of liquid and solid waste when created. Need I mention it's petroleum based, this equals non-sustainable, major polluter. Yay! And another heavy sigh. This material is famously breaking up and choking animals, poor poor helpless creatures.

I'm embarrassed to admit the featured cup above is mine. Turns out, most delicious things come in petroleum based plastic. Cook Out is one of the many dining locations that will not allow me to bring my own utensils. Yes, I have tried. For the sake of my health--this is a good thing.

Your own health, that's a big question mark. Styrene, the basic building block of Polystyrene (Styrofoam), is a human carcinogen. Think about the thousands of manufacturers who suffer for your connivence. Then when you heat that to-go box... remember combustion? Yep, all those yummy chemicals are released into your food.

My sincerest apologies for mother earth... until renewable resources become the norm.

Words with Friends

For the amount I rag on technology, I'll admit my continuous amazement with the options for entertainment (and I suppose practical use as well) on my iPhone. When I'm not activating the reward system of the brain, hereby releasing a surge of energizing neurotransmitters (that can be done without coffee!!!) with 'The Cup O' Joe' app I'm building my vocabulary with the app entitled 'Words with Friends.' We already know how awesome words are, well playing scrabble electronically throughout the day with friends is even more awesome.

Learning new words, using old words, creating long words, or filling space with short words--grow vocabulary, grow.

Productivity can't possibly be at its peak throughout the day, we should all play (for a few minutes, anyway).