Her News

If it is not one excuse, it is another. This time I have been away as a result of faulty internet. The ‘disconnect’ came at a respectable time; I was in need of a reprieve, from the search for employment above everything else. I will not pretend I missed it. Unemployment update: Will wash dishes for food. Will clean houses for rent. In all seriousness, my resume has been stuffed with key words and after composing over 60 cover letters, one would figure I have this process down to an art. I have done a ‘heck ton’ of networking—an unimaginable chore—too. The reality of being offline is an uncomfortable amount of free time on my hands—everyone will be receiving Christmas cards this year(!!!). (And if this paragraph seems out of place... this post was pushed back a couple days to address other happenings.)

Before you get carried away in these words, let me inform you of my current state. I have been on edge… of the highest cliff—like break-down on the phone, break-down in public, break-down over spilt milk… hardly slept a wink all week, engulfed by the most heartbreaking of memoirs. This is not necessarily a bad place to be, it is a dreadfully moody—do not cross me—place. My mom is bearing the weight of it… seeking new residence as of January 4, 2012. Any takers? The out-lashing is partially justified, or so I believe. Mom has always been one to (over) share my story; not in a boastful manner, instead she carries on no different from all mothers. She is inclined to feel that her daughter is a superior being endowed with only the greatest qualities. This time, rattling her mouth to one too many neighbors and relatives, I have to tell myself she is excited for me, not shameful she raised an unemployable daughter.

The announcement (before you receive a personal note from Mother): In January, I am heading to Costa Rica, Nicaragua, and Panama with a friend. My grandma took me to Costa Rica when I was in high school, while K.F.A., my travel mate, studied abroad in Costa Rica during college; between the two of us, we have a fair lay of the land. This will certainly be an adventure of fresh experiences, though not a take-your-breath-away vacation. (For comparison sake, I am infinitely more eager for New Orleans than Costa Rica, round two.) Costa Rica is an outdoorsy tourist’s paradise. This is news we are familiar with—we are fulfilling a longing to return to the heavily touted territory. Nicaragua and Panama, on the other hand, might electrify those reevaluate life emotions. (Stay tuned.)

This secret lingered on the backburner as a protection mechanism. I am done justifying my life. This is my story, and I will continue to write it with minimal input from others. My parents, predominantly Dad, are against the trip. Explaining the decision to them merely fueled my determination to be hush hush about the looming journey. I do not want to reason this out for everyone. I understand the concern—my parents think my breaking for travel each time I get discouraged has been unproductive thus far. This might be true. But again, this is my life, and I am not guaranteed tomorrow. To this I am a witness. And because most of ‘my circle’ does not have the international bug, they cannot always comprehend. Do I sit here and wallow in the misery of being an unemployed 24-year old living at home? Or do I proactively make a change? This is the time of my life to take this type of vacation. 

To further protect myself from the unsolicited advice of the outside world, I customarily have a ‘monkey bar’ approach to life. I find letting go difficult unless I am latched on to the next phase of life. This ranges from releasing information, redecorating a plan, or opening ‘my inner circle’ for new friendship; I cling to my comfort zone until the leap is well thought out. This Central American escape is out of the ordinary in the sense there is nothing to return to for. I am not trying to be melodramatic—I have family, friends, and shelter, I am lacking accountability. K.F.A. will come back for dental school. For her, the audience can easily validate this trip as a celebration or a last hoorah before she enters the next level of school. My life is without plan, the plan was broken—it is still being repaired.

If you ask my mom, she will tell you a different story. She will insist this is a break in the monotony of home life before I buckle down on the prerequisites for nursing school. Her hopes lying in the possibility I could accomplish this goal before the start of the fall semester. This is a viable option. One I have considered (A career in nursing—the hours (namely), the interaction with people, no cubicle, and (international) travel—meets my criteria.)… and resent (I have an undergraduate degree in biology. Why why why do I need additional classes to get a SECOND UNDERGRADUATE degree in nursing?). Though this is leading the way in options, I fear plans after watching my own dismantle way beyond my control. This coupled with my indecisiveness, which is deeply misunderstood as a result of my multitude of opinions, makes settling on the nursing school path seem limiting. I do not want to lead a life of going through the motions. I need to keep my options open. I can change my mind, pro and con, thousands of times between today and tomorrow and be okay with this. When plans go public, mass confusion ensues when strategies are altered. I have yet to discover an appropriate tactic for handling this dilemma.

Now I feel vulnerable having exposed myself. I have not even processed the meaning of five weeks away or paid for the plane ticket. Those are none of your concerns—be merry and bright—for you individuals are up-to-date on my next step. From here on out, do not feel excluded—I have my issues, my growing up to do. In this moment, I will go—go on to Central America—happily, healthily, and safely. Surprise adverted.