The Social Scene

A few weeks after my friend moved from her safe haven in South Carolina to the Wild West she called me to tell me she was lonely and I quote, “you have no idea how hard it is to make friends.” That comment was a direct stab, of course, in her defense I am sure it just came out, she probably did not think twice about it. Remember though, my parents dragged me half way across the country to Small Town, South Carolina when I was 15. It was at this exact moment in life I learned how thankful I was for all the friends I had and how difficult it was to make friends. I went from having a plethora of friends in a place where people understood me to a place I do not think I ever fit in or would ever fit in no matter how hard I tried. For the record, I tried pretty hard.

My life was not a pity party; I definitely found my nitch running and made a solid friend. All those relationships that were built over the course of the first 15 years of my life still existed, but everyone needs a social life that involves more than talking on the phone. In all honesty, almost eight years later as much as I still miss the Heartland I am happy my parents made the decision to move on behalf of the family. The move opened my eyes to a world of possibilities. I formed my own opinions and saw things in a completely new light when my homogenous group of friends was not around to influence my decisions.

Equally as unsatisfied with South Carolina (I like to pretend) my parents proceeded to relocate almost every year of my college career. Translation: On breaks when most of my friends went back home to catch up with old friends who attended various other colleges I was temporarily friendless. My social life was back to consisting of my family and cell phone. Bitter much? Trust me I know how hard it is to make friends.*

This same friend went on to tell me in the PC I was going to have built in friends. At the time I thought she was borderline insane. I envisioned myself with the farthest thing from an American social life as one can get. I chose this route so I was prepared for this. I was confident I would make friends with Basotho and partake in their form of social enjoyment for the time away. Turns out women in Lesotho do not have social lives. Their only form of social enjoyment is church, and I am not about to start going to church. Church that lasts over four hours, starts in the wee hours of my one off day, and mind you occurs in another language. That, to me, seems about as far from entertainment as can be. I have been to the bars a few times to bond with bo-ntate (adult males), unfortunately I can only do this in the company of other male volunteers for safety reasons. I have a ridiculously amazing host family and a cell phone. I have made family and a cell phone work before to fulfill my social needs. This is different though because they are not my family and the cell phone does not make outgoing calls.

There are only 80ish volunteers serving in the country at one time and seven in my district. Only once a year for three days are all 80 volunteers are gathered at the same location at the same time. In addition to this people are always leaving, and new volunteers arrive in June and November. When describing the strength of friendship with people I pull out my handy solar system analogy (copyrighted: me, 2004). There are three basic categories: planets, satellites, and debris. Planets are your close friends, the ones you confide in, the ones you look forward to spending time with, and the ones you can rely on for anything. Satellites are the people you get along with but do not necessarily someone you divulge your deep dark secrets to. You do not want to put yourself in a position where you would ever feel vulnerable around these people. When satellites come together everyone gets along and enjoys him or herself. Then there is debris, people you do not clique with. You deal with the debris in each situation as it arises. This analogy can be used under three circumstances: 1. You never for one second think your solar system is superior to any other solar system out there. It’s not and will never be. Stop trying. Be yourself and be unique. 2. You are the not center of your solar system. It is a circle of friends. 3. Labels are understood and do not need ever be discussed out loud.

This analogy works really well here. I am really pleased with where I was placed, and I despise traveling long distances for the weekend. This keeps me landlocked in my district most of the time and limits my social circle to about five friends. As a result of different interest and living far apart the majority of other volunteers are satellites. I am thrilled to inform you there is very little debris in country.

This weekend I am alone for the first time in more than two months, and here I am, six months later admitting defeat. Having built in friends is awesome; being alone is not quite so awesome. I could go on about each one of my built in friends individually and explain how each one of them is making this experience more enjoyable. As a result of this post being a marathon I will keep the details on my planets to a minimum. There is closest girl who had I come across in the states I would have dismissed her immediately. Thankfully that did not happen. We have a lot in common despite coming from extremely different backgrounds. She keeps me balanced, goes along with all my quirks, and lets me stay the night when I have a bad day. The rest of my friends are of the male species. They play pool with me, help me build shelves, talk sports with me, repair my bike, and cook for me. They treat me like their little sister. At first I was slightly annoyed by this (because I am not that much younger), now I embrace it. In view of the fact I miss my brothers more than words I am thankful for their brother-like companionship. Thou shall not lie, all my built in friends are pretty incredible. I do indeed have an American social life without the America setting. We work hard, but we play hard too.

Taking an awfully negative approach to demonstrate with every pro there are cons I could attempt to find the inadequacies in my built in friends. I won’t do that because I like to think I am a better person than that. My built in friends are fabulous, but they are not my friends from home. I do not need to put them down to tell you how much I miss each friend at home. As much as I love living on my own in the big wide world it has definitely been an adjustment to go from living with and amongst my best friends to isolation (or weekday isolation). Gossiping with girlfriends, intellectual conversations, and friends with common interest all seem to be a thing of the past (or at least limited to email, letters, and the occasional phone call for the present point in time). Soon but not too soon we will be reunited and it will be blissful.

No hard feelings friend. Now that you are thriving in Denver, time to pick it up an do it all again in the Big Apple. Best of luck to you!

*I am definitely not looking for any sympathy in my introduction. I am content with where my life has taken me. If you want to have sympathy for anyone, channel your compassion to the youngest member of the H clan. The original move might not have been nearly as devastating, but he is a freshman in high school and has been to eight schools (nine if you want to include preschool). This one could probably teach a brick wall how to make friends.