I'm (mentally) Ready!

All last week I spent hanging out with close friends at my alma mater.  Being back in a college setting with all my friends who have managed to either pick up an extra year or were behind to begin with was a blast!  Talking on the phone and emailing does not do justice for being in the presence of my favorite people!  In all of the fun I still felt out of place.  People have moved on and even if things are still mostly the same they felt different.  Instead of being the girl who crashed on their couches, I was a guest.  I felt like even if I put on a backpack and cruised around the campus on foot people would still be able to tell I did not belong.  I enjoy being comfortable in my surrounding.  That place used to be comfortable.  How can all that change in a matter of months?

Post-college is a strange time to say the least.  I currently live at home where food is cooked for me each night, bathrooms are cleaned regularly, and everyone is settled into bed by ten each night.  For the past four years I was totally independent (from my family) and completely dependent on friends and professors.  I ate dinner with friends anytime between five and nine, studied with them into the wee hours of the night, laid on their couches when I was sick, help them through trouble or was helped through trouble myself, and traveled with them (to new destinations or various hometowns).  My friends were such an integral part of my life.  Do not get me wrong, they are still very important to me... but distance takes its toll on people!  

Walking across a stage to receive a degree should be such a proud moment, instead it left me feeling empty.  It was time for change.  I am not ready, I do not feel prepared, I am so content with where and who I am.  Living in secure limbo (oxymoron?  definitely not!) the past five months and taking a final trip to a now seemingly uncomfortable place makes me more than positive I am ready for the challenge Lesotho is going to offer.  While my friends are busy finishing up their undergraduate and masters degrees or working desk jobs I will be in a hopefully more than perfect place for me.  I have been nothing but satisfied with my life so far, but it is past time to give back to someone else what so many have given to me.  

I can't really capture the exact emotion I am feeling.  More words will just dull the point.