Brace yourself, you have so much to learn...

Ownership: One is expected to share, traditionally, one is not to refuse when asked for something. They, however, can assert that they do not have whatever is being requested—regardless of whether they do or not. This is a polite way of refusing. There is a lot of lying… it is kind of unreal. It is also why things NEVER get done. People will tell you they are going to do it to be polite. I find this ever so annoying. Back to borrowing, if a person borrows something, he/she must return it. So if I give you a bowl of maize you better bring me back my bowl of maize when funds are available. The exception to this is money. Money is typically not returned. The logic here is that if one was able to lend it, one did not need it in the first place. Historically white people have always been employed. If a person is employed, they obviously have an income, which means they have money… to “lend.”

Entertainment: A café is one of the first structures built when designating an area as a growth point. It constitutes the heart of the community, where local men are to meet regularly and have beer. Drinking is an integral part of the culture here. Traditionally, beer was brewed for special occasions such as weddings, any kind of Basotho feast, and funerals. Brewing has become more of a daily practice recently. Intoxication was and still is readily accepted by most. Men drink publicly, and manifest their drunkenness without any social reproff. In their altered state, many men engage in dancing, buying prostitutes, fighting, and physically abusing their women and children. The latter two practices are punishable by law, but such cases are rarely taken to police, and when they are, they are often dismissed as a domestic problem. I will say it a million times over the next two years, THERE IS NO ACCOUNTABILITY IN THIS COUNTRY!!! There are women’s rights groups popping up in Lesotho, unfortunately though, wife beating or even maltreatment of wome is still, for the most part, accepted as the “African way of life.”

With the introduction of Christianity came the idea of abstinence. Many professed Christian men do not drink, ever. In general, a man drinks to excess or not at all. The idea of the casual drinker has not yet caught on in Lesotho.

Women are expected to drink privately, when only other women are present. At women’s parties, females are encouraged to drink to excess. In mixed company, however, drunkenness is viewed as degrading. Most of the women found at beer halls or bottle stores are prostitues. If women are seen at such establishments they are generally thought of as such, even though they may not be. With the younger, educated, urban sectors of society it is becoming more acceptable for women to drink publicaly. Women are only subjected to mild harassment in up-scale nightclubs and bars in cities; whereas in high-density rural areas, a young, modern woman may enter a bar without declaring herself a prostitute, but not without being harassed as one.

When women do drink, they are expected to drink wines diluted in pop, not beer. Beer is for men. Futhermore, because wine is significantly more expensive, they are less financially accessible to most, so therefore less can be drunk. These diluted wines are obviously much less intoxicating as well. Once a woman reaches “granny-time” and beyond and possibly has been widowed, she is freed from many of the restrictions applied to women. Older women do drink beer and even become intoxicated. They are seen discretely sniffing snuff as well. As a side note beer is sold by the quart here, ten rand (or maluti) per quart and you must bring the bottles bag.

If one chooses not to drink… oh wait who does that? Children start drinking around 13 even though the legal drinking age here is 18. The younger ones spend their time making soccer balls out of plastic bags and kicking them around. They also enjoy tying old rags together and jump-roping. Or they color in the dirt, just like chalk… right?

Churches are little more than social clubs for many. There are countless denominations of Christianity, each with a different uniform for its churchgoers. Many men attend services, but in general, church going is more of a female-oriented activity. There churches and their members, are very active in the community. Many are involved in development for the area, particularly where there are missionaries posted. In addition to church services on either Saturday or Sunday, there are church meetings during the week and periodic conferences throughout the year. The Basotho love church and they constantly invite me to join them on Sunday. Even the ones who do not attend church declare themselves Christian. The services are over four hours long… so I politely decline. Plus, they are in Sesotho, I am not that fluent yet.

Vistors are usually treated as Royalty. A visitor is usually someone coming from far away, a neighbor who comes infrequently or for a special occasion, or someone of prominence. It is greatly appreciated when a visitor brings a gift to the family, although it is not required. When the visit has ended, depending on the length and purpose of the visit, the visitor will be generously given something to bring back to his/her home, and then will be accompanied back home. This is despite how little the family may have and the AWFUL horrible bus rides (to accompany someone). As a result of this custom and the fact that close neighbors are treated as family, every time one returns to his/her area of residence, he/she may be asked, “what did you bring (me)?” This is a standard greeting for someone who is returning. It is merely a way of saying did you reach your destination. Or what evidence of souvenir do you have to show that you were actually there? Before I knew this was a standard greeting, I was getting a tad annoyed. Now I simply replay, “I brought myself,” or something ludicrous, like, “I brought you an elephant.” If funds allow, you should, however, bring something (candy or candles) for your friends. It is much appreciated when you share good fortune with friends, much like you would with your family. It is a way of saying, “I consider you part of my family.”

I am an American: Basotho do not appear as self-conscious about certain issues as do Americans, and vice versa. Quickly devouring food, burping, picking one’s nose and cleaning ears (with pens might I add) in public are not considered rude or out of the ordinary. ON the other hand, eathing without first washing your hands in (dirty) water, not applying lotion (when it is known you can afford it), wearing clothes without ironing them, or not wearing a jacket (when you can afford it, no matter how hot it is) are frowned upon.

Large protruding stomachs are a sign of wealth for men. Women with large buttocks are considered the most desirable. Petite women are preferred by younger males, while fat females are preferred by older men. Chest and breasts are not sexual focal points. This is pretty awkward and uncomfortable because instead of resting their hands on your arms when they stand incredibly close to you, their hands rest on your chest (or breast in the case of me, a female). It is also preferred that a man be at least five to ten years older than his wife. Women are expected to get married and to wed early in life. I am teaching 8th grade math and my co-worker told me 10-15 will drop out to get married. Granted the age range is like 13-20… I still think that is young. For an unmarried woman to have a baby is an insult, but you still see it ALL the time.

Dress/Hygiene: In general, Basotho, both men and women ALWAYS look their best. Even in the dustiest of rural areas (where I live), women will wear what Americans may consider semi-formal attire, complete with heels and every once in awhile stockings. I walk through mud, over rocks, and through a river to get to school. I show up in my chacos, my co-workers wear heels. I can’t understand it. I can’t walk in heels in America on level, paved roads. One is expected to dress as well as finances will allow—so a foreign volunteer is expected to dress better, not the same, as their co-workers. Haha! The answer many of your have been dying to know: YES, I do indeed wear a skirt each and every day. I am so used to it now it does not seem weird.

When a person is married, otherwise at age 21, they are to start following the “dress codes.” Before that short skirts/dresses or other trendy clothes are accepted for youth.

Smelling good is also a priority. A person is expected to bathe once a day. Now, that doesn’t sound crazy to you Americans, but, here you have to haul your water and warm it up. It is a pain! I bathe once every four days in ice cold water, and I wash my hair once a week. My water pump is super close but that does not make the water lighter or warm. Plus, it is typically dry (despite the MASSIVE amounts of rain we have been getting). I do not know how they do it. Side note: I use half a gallon of water to bathe. I am getting good, practically a pro (or just really dirty).

This is what I have gathered so far, but we all know the learning never ends.