So many milestones stick out in my mind. Little has been forgotten. So much has changed. Little has remained the same. This season is a new one. The depression seems far gone… a blissfully wonderful feeling. Except lately, a cumbrous weight of a different variety keeps trying to sink my ship. It is ugly and most commonly referred to as anxiety. Throughout my many revolutions around the sun, I have carried burdens that do not belong to me and taxed stresses more heavily than necessary. That being said, I am generally stable person. In lieu of all the 'real life' bad, this problem is hindering a better me. See this is going to sound absolutely ridiculous but, let me reassure you, oh so accurate. The "greatest" part of depression is the ability to hide behind it. Even with a sound family structure and incredible friends, you can fake your way through much of life. I thought of it more as seeing life through a different lens. That choice is yours. Depression will give you grief--exorbitantly lonesome times--and you will inevitably falter. But mostly you will succeed at keeping this heavily stigmatized diagnosis from the big wide world of judgment. And that, my readers, is a glorious thing. You get to be a quiet person for a while… nobody comments… and life does eventually pick up.
Well… anxiety is an entirely different battle. Let me reiterate: Entirely. Different. The most noticeable distinction is everyone and their pets notice it. You are pretty much a walking mistake without a barrier to hide behind. You mess-up time and time and time again because you are so spun out. Then you get called out for it(!!!). And before you realize the problem(s) you have created, you are trying to collect your ideas and the unpredictability of life, which is no easier than trying to box a cyclone. There is continuous anxiety compacted on top of nervousness and angst--what will be the next blunder? As in crazy, I am mad.
It really has been a jovial couple of weeks.
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