This is the phase that never ends.

I write this post from a bad place. I need to rant. And I need something to blame. I am going to blame weddings for my unhappiness, when I know this funk is a result of my job. On a public forum, I absolutely cannot vent about my current work situation. That would be real dumb. And I have not lost my mind... yet.

So with warning, my head, heart, and mouth are not on the same page--tread lightly.

This weekend I am going to Boston, Massachusetts, hometown to Boyfriend, for a wedding I have (unfairly) been dreading. (Have I before mentioned Boyfriend is from a cultish town where everyone has been best friends since birth?) At one point, I was very excited for this wedding. My own unhappiness has vastly altered my perspective. I will not know anyone outside Boyfriend's immediate family in attendance. I will have to meet a majority of his friends while still allowing him space to have fun. There will be more small talk than I care for. There will be wasted calories on wedding food. And I will be dressed in a 'non-me' outfit, feeling woefully out of place. Though Boyfriend has not been dragged to many of "my" weddings, he has listened too much venting on the front. I owe it to him to attend this wedding. And to put on a smile while there.

Here begins the 2014 wedding series. And a recently engaged friend added a second wedding to the 2015 spring agenda. With each friend taking that next step, my own poor situation is amplified. But, as a result of this funk, now is absolutely not the time for Boyfriend and me to pursue engagement. I want that time to be the happiest in my life, not a Band-Aid on my current situation.

My mom keeps telling me this back-to-back-to-back wedding trend is just a phase. Well, I want to debunk her theory. My first non-family wedding took place in February 2009, my senior year of college, and the “phase” is guaranteed to continue until May 2015.

Some stats:

• I was 21 when I graduated from college.
• I will be 27 next month.
• I have been in two-thirds of the weddings I have attended, estimated to be on the low end.

That is six years of wedding-ing.

Now, some basic math: divide 6 by 27. And we can conclude 22.2% of my life has been spent attending weddings and, for better or worse, wedding related events. The financial burden for these nuptials have been insurmountable. I have honestly enjoyed next to none of it. Sorry, friends.

 

(It is important to note, there will not be a wedding "for" me. The idea is nauseating, in my humble opinion. I warned my mother years ago. And I think we have compromised on a celebration of the life event that does not involved standards or traditions. You are all invited. You are most certainly NOT obligated to attend.)

I cannot count the number of weddings I have been in and/or attended at this point in my life. I am not kidding. I get weddings confused. I often cannot remember whether or not I was in certain weddings. On the upside, I have traveled to Florida, Kansas (twice), Massachusetts (twice), New Jersey, North Carolina, and South Carolina (five times). I am sure I am missing some. 

Next up is another trip to South Carolina in August, Georgia in September, back to South Carolina in April (2015), and New York in May (2015).

And before these weddings, let me fairly account for the three trips to Michigan for the weddings of my cousins. Thankfully, I only have four total cousins. And the last one, well, he just turned 15, so I will be most excited and ready to attend his wedding should he opt for one many, many years from now.

My savings are soon to be depleted soon. This phase continues...