Five Month Reflections

If you do not want the dissertation, read the chapter titles.

Chapter 1: Why am I here? Good question. Most days I wonder that too. I wonder that when I walk home from school, I wonder that when I eat popcorn for dinner the third night in a row, I wonder that when I get up at 5:30 AM each morning, and I wonder that when I feel like I am not making progress. I love it here and I do not want to leave (as least not any time soon), but I feel like I should be doing more. I either try and fail or lack the education for the magnificent schemes I have in mind.

Chapter 2: More experience, more education necessary. I am the 3^rd youngest volunteer of 80. Maybe you are as surprised as I was to learn that most, the grand majority of Peace Corps volunteers are not fresh out of college. A typical Peace Corps volunteer has worked for a few years (at least) and have experience in the various fields they serve. I have learned so much about the developing world by simply living here. That’s great because learning is fun no matter how old you are. On the flip side, I am a do-er. But in order to do anything I realize I need a lot more education to make any project truly grand or sustainable and a few years working experience would be an additional bonus. Turns out, this saving the world is tough!

Chapter 3: The developing world and what I have learned. For a project in the developing world to be successful it takes a very specific focus, a lot of research and education, support from the village/community, a lot of aid money funneled into the hands of the right people, and a long time. I only have 27 months and I have already burned through five of them. How will I ever make any changes? The Basotho are encouraging me to do so much. Limited education. The fact I am not a walking dollar/rand/maluti sign despite the fact I am white and foreign. New day, New hurdle.

Chapter 4: Problems, Basotho wants and work ethic. In America we are brainwashed into thinking if you work hard you can make anything happen or you will get ahead. I do not completely agree with the previous statement, nevertheless, here it is just the opposite. The projects I feel we (as a school, village) should work toward require dedication, excitement, motivation, and time. They also require decent amounts of money, which is not coming from any wallet I own. Call me horrible! My opinion: throwing money at your problems does not solve them, EVER. There are so many good ideas for projects but no one wants to step up to the plate and work. The aid money being poured into this country makes it easier to sit back and do nothing than get up and work. If you sit around aid money will feed you and your family. Charity can creates laziness. Too bad I lack the skill set to build a kitchen on my own, design a library (without the help of African Library Project), or start up a confidentiality clinic.

Chapter 5: I can teach and education is important. By attending school in America I definitely feel qualified to teach (in Lesotho). I can educate my students in math, science, environmental studies, and life-skills all day long. I recognize education is the key to success (as overused as that statement may be). I mentioned I lack the education to do all the projects I want to accomplish, and I am a daily witness as to what happens when a society is uneducated. Therefore educating and believing in these children alone is imperative to their well-being. Teaching is not enough, at least for me. I am a dreamer, an idealist. They want more from me, which in turn makes me, demand more from myself. I will continue to focus on my primary job despite my general hatred of teaching. I will continue to role model positive reinforcement, alternative ways of discipline, the importance of showing work, and the importance of critical thinking in the classroom. My voice might not always be heard, but that hasn’t stopped me from trying in the past.

Chapter 6: Self-gratification. I sent a letter home to a friend recently telling her we do not get to wear bummer stickers on our foreheads with all of our accomplishments. It’s true. As badly as I aspire for my school to have a kitchen, a library, and a clinic where my students can be tested for HIV/AIDS in confidence. Maybe that is not what my community wants from me. Technically, they do want these building to magically appear, but they seem more interested in spending time with me than working with me. I have learned so much about relationships while being here. Perhaps, they just want a teacher and friend. It sounds ridiculous to say I spent 27 months in Lesotho making friends. On the contrary that is such an America attitude. I could argue Lesotho need pizza shops, theme parks, and a beach but you know what, they live each day without it. We can learn a lot by nurturing friendships across socioeconomic and ethnic boundaries.

Chapter 7: I have lot of opinions so I am going to defend the kitchen, library, and clinic regardless of the fact they are looking more impractical with each passing day. It is so critical, to me, that my school gets a kitchen so I can go home knowing my students eat at least one meal a day. The students tell me I am their only hope of survival. They can be a bit dramatic at times. I bet you could not tell. If I can’t help with the kitchen then life-skills will be hitting gardening, tree production, and cooking hard this year. A library would help everyone. The teachers would have additional material for preparing better lesson plans and both the teachers and students could enhance their English quite a bit through reading. A library should be especially enticing because the Basotho see English as a “bridge” to opportunity. As for the confidentiality at the clinic I am not sure how to tackle that one. It is definitely the most far-fetched. Obviously, I would love to change this, but I am not sure if that is a job for me, seems like I would have to offend a lot of people. I might not know exactly why I am here, but I do know that is NOT why I am here. For your information, we do have a clinic. My students do not feel safe getting tested (for HIV/AIDS) at the clinic because the results are rarely kept to the clinic files. Sigh. In case you did not know there is a huge stigma against people living with HIV/AIDS (it’s global but especially prevalent here).

Chapter 8: Reiteration. I am not giving up. Oh no, no. I am being a temporary realist. I can’t take on the projects without support and help from my school or the village. I can motivate, encourage, and educate. I can assist in projects as a human resource when everyone is willing to chip in as a team. Ultimately, the school is my sponsor. I am here to help and they can use me at their will. I do not have a bank account with unlimited funds to hire workers to build buildings and then chefs to prepare meals. Books are not going to fly themselves over here from America without a little effort on this end first.

Chapter 9: Scrap it all, lets build hiking trails! Another valuable lesson (probably better suited for chapter 3): you can’t come into the developing world and tell them what they need. You can keep a silent list though. And believe me, my silent list is a mile long. It starts with hiking trails. Basotho would laugh in my face if I told them to build hiking trails for a village project. They walk hours upon hours each and every day. Why the hell would they want hiking trails? Coming to Lesotho and hearing about “the mountain kingdom” I thought there was going to be great hiking. There is, except it’s create your own trails hiking which I have come to appreciate minus the few times I have been attacked by bizarre bugs I have yet to identify nesting in bushes I trample over (breathe now, longest run-on ever). The point of my mighty tangent (I am never short for words) is to say there are things you do not know unless you come and live in the villages of this mighty kingdom. Don’t laugh too much; hiking trails actually have a lot of potential. Lesotho, especially my district, is trying to improve their tourism industry. If they set up backpackers and trails they could be onto something.

Chapter 10: Confusion in Peace Corps. My own organization, Peace Corps (for those of you lost in the madness of my thoughts) is quite indecisive. Yes, that same organization whose third goal is “to help promote a better understanding of other people on the part of Americans,” yet made me privatize my blog. Okay, done bashing. After all, I would not be here if it were not for our wonderful US government (who by the way, just gave me a 14% raise and a bike). Some days we are a cross-cultural exchange and some days a development organization. We are human resources who serve in the developing world by “donating” two years of our time. If it is a cross-cultural exchange I think I am doing a really good job. I interact with and learn from the new people I meet every day. I have come to realize what an awesome country America is so I enjoy sharing pictures and stories from home. I work in the schools and live on the level of the people. I have spent ample time integrating into my community. Whenever there is a chance to partake in cultural events I jump at the opportunity. If this is a cross-cultural exchange I will be much more satisfied simply attempting to touch the lives of a few people. Peace Corps as a development organization, I am failing miserably. I do not even know where to begin. How does one human resource tackle a developing country with three months of training? I can show Basotho simple techniques I have found for using what they have to make life work. In general though, they seem to be the ones who have it figured out.

Chapter 11: Conclusion. Well my thoughts still are not organized, but at least they are on paper now. The developing world will continue to throw boulders in my path. No problem, I like climbing. I will evidently do a lot of educating even though I do not enjoy it because I am aware of the potentials of education. I am not here to make myself feel worthy. This is too far a distance to travel for that. Not to mention, America has lots of “worthy” opportunities. I will continue to learn from the friends I have and take time for new ones each day. I will never understand why people are dying of measles, struggling for food, or without shelter with the disgusting about of aid money being shoveled into this country. That is another rant for another day. I will not quit seeing the bigger picture. Each day I will give it my all.