A Different Generation

The scenario on a recent journey to Michigan:

I was sitting in my grandparents living room with my immediate family gathered, sheltered from the subarctic temperatures outdoors. My Aunt B and Uncle F has just spent the afternoon visiting with us. When Aunt B made it safely home she called to say she had a letter from Ghana waiting for her. Not so exciting considering we were able to catch up face-to-face minutes before. Regardless, a handwritten letter can (in my world) brighten anyones day--after all I wrote it knowing I was coming home. Per usual I am getting lost in my thoughts.

We left off with Aunt B's first phone call which took place with Pops. She called again two minutes later, this time talking to the youngest H. The room was curious, waiting, anticipating, why might she be calling again? To tell us it was her calling in the first place. Yes, Aunt B the called ID told us, the first and the second time.
Growing up my neighbors had a rotary dial phone, and now there is hardly even a use for landlines. Everyone has a cell phone that uses caller identification, mine even goes so far to include a picture of the caller. Aunt B continues to send me beautifully constructed hand written letters while my grandmother still writes to me on the typewriter she got when she was 12, by my calculation that's 74 years ago. It's so fun to receive real mail. I genuinely appreciate the patience and time it takes to sit down and actually write a letter. In today's hectic world where anyone can zip me an email in record time I'd rather wait. This rapidly changing 'age of technology' is even hard for me to keep up with.

Beaufort Adventures

There is a whole lot to love about being on the water, temperatures in the high 70s, old friends and new outdoor explorations.

Kayaking on Factory Creek:

A exploration around Hunting Island Lagoon:

"The world is a book, and those who do not travel, read only a page" (Saint Augustine)

Power of Pause

I have officially been back in the states for two months. At this point in time there is an expectation to be reintegrated into societal norms. The truth is I'm far from what I would consider myself to be "blending in" among my age group. On the outside, I act and look alright--unless you're good at detecting hair that has not been washed in days.

Last week an old friend came to town for a brief visit. My friends have been saints throughout all this. This particular friend has been more distant, not surprising since our friendship previously thrived on face-to-face interaction. Together we were able to enjoy a meal, explore the outdoors, and brush up on our pool skills. She knew exactly what questions to ask, she knew when the conversation was getting uncomfortable and was able to curve it in a different direction. We reminisced, laughed, and schemed. Her presence was incredibly refreshing. I admire my friends, the ones who have been there each step of the way. They are all tackling the real world full force. I'm simply not ready, and seeing she was not either made the loneliness vanish.

Of course, if I couldn't have Peace Corps I wanted all my friendships to fall into place exactly as before. Unrealistic much? Reconnecting with friends has definitely been a tad more of a challenge than I would have liked, but the biggest hurdle is adjusting to the intricacy and pressure of post-Peace Corps life in the states, not to mention my experience did not exactly end with the completion of service. My happy-go-lucky yet purposeful life was flipped upside down, and before I knew it I was at home, in Ghana, and back home. That's just it though, I miss the simple day-to-day life in my hut. I miss the pause. The complications here shut me down, instead of dealing with them I find myself ignoring them or ridiculously frustrated by them.

After lots of reading on accidents, let downs, and loss I was captivated by these uttered words of truth.

"Something can be part of your story without becoming your identity."

At 23, my Peace Corps service concluding with the events of September seems like such a 'defining moment' of my life, whatever that means. My time away opened my eyes to new people, ideas, and places. For the most part, it was a positive adventure. Lately, it's as though details of early September have spiraled out of control, ultimately becoming the title of my book. It will always be an unforgettably rocky chapter, no doubt. When people ask about my Peace Corps service I want change my answer. I'm tired of the pity vote. It's impossible to put into words how life-changing the time in Lesotho (and even Ghana briefly) was. I spent 10 months working in a rural village in the mountains of Lesotho with more than 200 school children teaching math, science, and lifeskills. It was an incredible opportunity to serve as a leader and positive role model.

I'm want to stop skipping to the finale with every break in plot.

New Year, Same Emotions

Clean slates, open ended-ness, no plans, fresh starts--I'm a big fan. Normally when the New Year begins I am set with a bunch of goals, tasks, strategies for the next year. They all normally fall along these basic lines: be healthy, smile, be independent, maintain relationships, try something new, purge, no regrets, love the earth.

This year, it's as though nothing matters. First off, it's mid February and I'm just now getting around to collecting my ideas. For someone with too many opinions, it's quite rare I go this length of time without sharing them. I'm more indecisive than I've ever been. I'm bitter. Some days I'm disgustingly angry. I'm disappointed, let down. I'm incomplete. I'm jealous. And I don't feel completely there. I'm successfully putting on a good front BUT what if, what if I crumble? And even worse, what if it happens in public? Oh.My.GOD. That would be the WORSE-THING-EVER. It's fun to be dramatic.

More than ever I want to regain my go-go-go productive lifestyle. Happy. Fun. Loving. Interested. Environmentalist. Humanitarian. Active. Healthy. Please let those be the character traits that define me, not the Eeyore I see myself as at this moment in time. Throw me a bone and by that, I mean freedom from my ties to Peace Corps and the end of 2010.

Instead of my clean calendar, there was a fourth and fifth month anniversary of his death complimented shortly after by his birthday, a temper tantrum (at 23!), missing my Ma's birthday, mixed up luggage from Lesotho, a lingering parasite, and per usual, all my teams continually disappointing me. On a positive note I have been able to reunite with several close friends and start a job. I was able to slowly transition into the new job thanks to a snow/ice storm in the Southeast.

Life in Africa has taught me to remain calm in situations outside my control, but when everything in my life seems beyond my control it's hard not to interject. I don't feel like I'm sitting around feeling totally sorry for myself. I'm doing what I can to accept the temporary cards I've been dealt. In the competitive society we live in it doesn't feel good enough. My friends are working career jobs, discovering new cities, and knee deep in grad school while I'm essentially passing time.

I am happy I can still find the positive when my life seems pathetic. Back to my alma matter... to nanny? Still no place to call my own, but a loving family who has taken me in as one of their own. If for the time being I can't have the my dream job in an amazing city, or better yet, a national park then I at least want to reciprocate the love I been shown. I want to be at the next level--constant laughter, expressing appreciation, thought-provoking conversations, and leaving a positive impact on the world (or at least pretending too).

Story Telling

Today's your 25th Birthday. In an effort to capture the respect, admiration, and love I have for you, I decided to list the first 25 things that came to mind that make me grateful I met you.

1. Your ability to instruct without acting superior.
2. Your talented guitar skills.
3. The numerous delicious meals you prepared when your cabinets were bare, and the infinite meals prepared with my stocked cabinets.
4. The trip to the Katse Dam, when you were super stressed.
5. The opening games of the World Cup!
   
6. Chasing down a pig for the 4th of July Feast.
7. The warm electric blanket.
8. Countless hours of listening to 30 Rock or watching It's Always Sunny.
9. Using embers from the fire to light a candle when we ran out of matches.
10. Your running tights?
    
11. The patience and guidance you demonstrated when teaching MY classes.
12. Phoenix. Decemberist. Oasis.
13. "The first time..."
14. Your self confidence.
15. The shared passion for change.
16. The direction you had in life.
17. Your hidden artistic ability.
18. Your ability to live each and every day to the fullest. Your genuine love for life.
    
19. Your rich T.C.M./poor T.C.M contradiction.
    
20. Your intelligence.
21. Watching you constantly think outside the box. Your mind blowing creativity.
    
22. Your perseverance. You never gave up on anything or anyone.
    
23. The way you were able to connect with your community as well as surrounding communities.
    
24. You worked hard. You played hard.
    
25. The love you had for your family and friends.
    

"All the roads we have to walk are winding, and all the lights that lead the way are blinding. There are many things that I would like to say to you, but I don't know how." Happy Birthday T.C.M. Miss you everyday.